A Life Mission

Over the course of the trip, I have allowed myself to be vulnerable and fall in love with every kid. I developed trust, bonds, and relationships with each child there. When we had to leave, it was one of the most emotional times of my life. I experienced sadness because I had to leave my brothers and sisters, and also joy because I felt I had influenced them in a great way. The older boys laughed and joked about the thought of crying before we left, but when the time came, they felt as much sadness as I did. They referred to me as brother when we were saying our goodbyes and that just made me cry even more. Those kids changed my life and will always have a place in my heart. I will always remember each moment, child, and experience. A life mission of mine is to make it back to my new family and once again bring them the joy and happiness that they deserve.

So Momma

It’s amazing how every day I go back to the orphanage and fall in love with the kids even more. It’s at the point where I think of them as my family and I would do anything for them. Today I got the incredible opportunity to give the kids letters my sister had written for them. I have had the letters in my bag the entire time, but was waiting to build my own relationships first. I was overwhelmed with joy to see the happiness it brought each of them and to know it would make Ava equally as happy.

 Aside from that, we have completely finished the girls’ house inside and out. The walls and house are built and painted. Their bunk beds are set up and the mosquito nets are up too. We moved all their cubbies and clothes in the dorm and bought them new pillows and sheets. I’ve never seen anyone so excited to have a door, they were so incredibly grateful and happy. Personally, I think the house looks beautiful and I’m so proud of all the work we put into it. It took blood and a lot of sweat but it was well worth it. As each day comes to an end the only thought that comes to my mind is when I’m forced to leave these children. The other day Levin and Roat called me brother, the thought of it brings tears of joy to my eyes. I’m seriously contemplating bringing a couple of these kids home with me. So Momma if you’re reading this, you better get some more beds ready at the house.

Big Brown Eyes

After all of our hard work we have finally finished the girls' house. Honestly I've never been so proud of anything I've ever done. The house looks so great and the kids are over joyed and excited. Today, we went and got the bunk beds and have started to cut out more windows. And as the days go on I start to fall in love with the kids even more and I think of them as my family. They each have a special place in my heart but my mind keeps going to the idea of when I have to leave. The very thought makes me sad and almost brings a tear to my eye. Over the course of the trip I've been called Ben, Big Ben, big boy, and even big boo, but the other day Roat called me brother. I've never been so happy and I've never felt so loved. All I want is to give these kids what they need and I can see they need love and affection in their big brown eyes.

Blessed

Cambodia hasn't only begun to change my life, but its given me an entirely new outlook. I now realize everything I have taken for granted and how incredibly blessed I am. The fact I was born in America, with two loving parents, and no disabilities is an incredible blessing, that not many people have. I also realize how great I have it, back in Vail, and how lucky I am to have the life I do. The trip has made me appreciate every little thing I have at home. Automatic washing machines, a great bed, normal food, even traffic laws. It's taken till now for me to understand how spectacular it is that I have them. I've started to miss everything too, even my sisters. Every object and person I have at home has impacted my life so greatly, and I now know without them life would be a lot different. I've learned these things from watching the kids. They're grateful for everything they have as little as it may be. From their few pairs of clothes to the not so nutritional meals, they appreciate it all, and it's started to rub off on me. They take everything from each situation and conversation, and enjoy each moment of their lives. I came to Cambodia to help these kids, and in the process they've helped me.

Roat

Yesterday, I got to go to the Russian Market to shop for the kids' lunch, it was like nothing I had ever seen. It was incredible and had everything anyone could ever want, from tomatoes to fish to engines. It brought joy to my heart knowing the food I was buying would feed the children. After we left the hot, musky market, we made our way through traffic back to the orphanage. Where I went to the English classroom, with Krissy, and helped the teacher teach English to his students. In one of the classes I had the chance to meet a young girl, she was brilliant. She could read and spell words she had never learned or heard of, and when she was done she helped her struggling classmates. She and every other student has an amazing eagerness to learn which is beautiful, and something you don't see in America. Today, on the other hand, was different. I hit the wall, I woke up and was exhausted and the day added to that. But later in the day, I got a second burst, right as we started work on the dorm. Which is literally my favorite job on the entire trip, because it's not only fun but rewarding. The dorm is finally coming together and beginning to look like a house. Today we began to start building the roof and its a blessing I am a part of it. Over the course of the construction of the house, I've gotten the opportunity to work and get closer to Roat. He is an amazing, funny, and generous guy who has the most incredible work ethic. But as much as I love it here, my emotions are starting to catch up with me. I've begun to miss my sisters, mom, dad and especially my bed, but there's nowhere I'd rather be.

Blood and Sweat

Before yesterday, the only slums I had seen were in the movies, and even then they were more glamorous than real life. The dirt paths that ran in between the shacks were filled with garbage, dogs, pee, and naked children. I went to a "library" in the slums to read books and draw with the young kids, who would come and go. After about an hour a girl, no more than eight, walked in with her infant sister. It shocked me and helped me realize how quickly these kids have to grow up and that after the age of five they have the responsibilities of an adult. I then went to the English class and read a paper with the teachers to help them learn the proper way to speak the English language. The teacher was so excited to learn how to properly speak the English language because it will allow him to teach his students better. It was incredible! The next day we returned to the orphanage. This time my job was to help begin building the foundation for the girls' dorm. It was honestly the hardest work I have ever done. The labor was brutal and the fire ants were viscous, but in the end I had never been so proud of my work. I love each and every kid there no matter how young or old, and they each already have a spot in my heart. I've given my sweat and even blood to this trip, and I know when I leave the tears will come.

Love, Life, and Laughter

Never in my entire life have I been so disgusted and filled with joy, over the coarse of two days. We learned of the genocide and brutality of the Khmer Rouge and how it effected the entire country, in both the past and present. We visited the S-21 Prison and one of the hundreds of killing fields, used by the Khmer Rouge; I have never been so incredibly shocked and disgusted, the very thought makes me sick to my stomach.
After our tour of the killing fields we were lucky enough to go to the orphange and meet the most amazing children. They have the ability to see to good in people, and the beauty of the world and each situation. They live each day as if it were their last and are thankful for everything they have, and it's honestly the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, and filled me with hope and joy. It was sureal to know the kids remembered my sister and to meet the children who had changed her life and who have begun to change mine as well.
Today we cleaned the orphanage and de-loused the each child's hair. Nothing will bring you closer to a person than de-loucing them! The kids taught me more about love, life, and laughter, than I've learned in 16 years. I can now say I've experienced two types of monsoons; the type that weather brings that drenches you in water and turns the streets into rivers, and the type the children bring that shower you in everlasting love and affection.

Chapter One

This is where my story begins, in less than 24 hours I will be headed across the world to Cambodia. I have been anxiously waiting for this day for months and the closer it gets the more nervous and excited I become. But no matter what I feel I know my peers, chaparones, and I will do great, and I'm confident in that, because its only the first chapter and things only get better from here.

-"The only thing to fear is fear itself"